Someone once said – and I took it as a compliment – “not many people are as good as you at articulating despair”.
There isn’t any perverse enjoyment or pleasure in feeling low; it’s just that it seems the natural way of being for there to be changes. Not necessarily ups and downs, but contractions and expansions. Someone once described mood to me as being like an expanding and contracting sphere, moving in and out like breathing, where it wasn’t a good thing to be either to spaced out or squashed in.
Contentment is an odd, alien feeling. You have to feel comfortable in your body, and for your body to do the things you want it to – and when it doesn’t, for you to be able to manage everything around that. You have to be able to have some kind of expectation that can be met. You have to feel that the things you’re doing are possible.
All you can do is all you can do. You can’t do more, even if you want to.