Labour lost, Labour has decided, because it wasn’t aspirational enough. In the rush to blame someone – anyone – they’ve decided to target the left.
Move right, forget ever taxing anyone ever again for anything, privatise everything, and it’ll all be all right. Those 25 people in Basildon and Swindon who decide the entire election under our beautifully wrong voting system are the only people worth appealing to.
What do they want, these aspirational pissbabies in marginal constituencies, whose every need and whim we must attend to and fluff? To shop at Waitrose, apparently. Because spending a few more pence on your shopping is aspirational. Ooh, don’t we all dream of buying slightly more expensive toilet rolls? It’s all we dream of on my estate, guvnor, gawd bless the Queen Mum, but we have to make do with Costcutter and that makes us SAD so what we really want, more than anything, is for really rich people in Surrey to never have to pay any tax, because even though it’ll never affect us, it might stop us from trying. I mean, what’s the point in working if there’s a chance that if you earn a billion pounds and live in another country, you might have to pay tax on it? I don’t know about you but that puts me right off.
Still, you do that, Labour. You appeal to these thick, entitled, middle class suburban simpletons and just imagine that, as in 1997, everyone else will just fall into line. I’m sure that’s going to work amazingly well.